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Heartbeats
A racing heart I find myself idly – or obsessively, depending on how you look at it – flicking through the Fitbit app on my phone. I should be working but I feel distracted. Or I’m the kind of person who’s easily distracted, depending on how you look at it. I notice my resting heart…
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Stars
For the first time in 5 pregnancies, 4 of which have ended in miscarriage, I receive some answers. The peace that descends is unexpected. The power of knowledge to help us accept and heal is clear.
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The good things
There is an impending void when my daughter starts school next year. What I thought would be filled with another baby needs to be filled with something else. Instead of a void, I see possibility, opportunity, potential.
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A ghost in both worlds
The conversation trap I find myself at a birthday party in the middle of a conversation concerning a couple’s second pregnancy. They have recently found out that they are having another boy. With little to offer to the conversation I sit quietly, hoping I will eventually evaporate, or a natural opportunity to stand up and…
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A love letter
This is a love letter to the baby who never was, whose existence is confined to these words and my memory. For the little ones who never came home.
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One and Done
Not every one-child family is formed through choice. Society often forgets that every family has their own story. Here’s some of mine.
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Events
I try to manage my rage and distress while managing the physical side of a miscarriage.
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Perspective
While this blog is largely about my all-consuming distress around pregnancy loss, I know there are worse things happening in the world. This just happens to be the worst thing happening in my world right now.
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Between the pink lines 